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Post by Scumhunter on Feb 4, 2014 17:53:02 GMT -5
Ok, Pakman inspired me to make this thread I wanted to make for quite some time.  Obviously AMW was a serious show and I do stress that despite this thread, it doesn't take away how important it was. But over it's 25-season history, it's first and only host John Walsh was known for pulling no punches and letting his feelings about fugitives be known. Sometimes his one-liners were in my opinion, hilarious. I always felt Walsh could have had a future in stand-up comedy had he wanted to pursue it. Does anyone else have any favorite Walsh lines? My memory is terrible but one of my favorite lines was during AMW's last ever season on Lifetime after con artist fugitives Nelson and Janet Hallahan, better known as the "mini-Madoffs of the midwest" got caught thanks to AMW tips. When they did the capture report, Walsh introduced the segment as "Some liked to call them the mini-Madoffs of the Midwest. I like to call them direct captures 1183 and 1184." I thought it was hilarious and also poignant since it took away the sort of "glamorous" nickname they had and emphasized what they really were. Also, I wish he'd finally get caught since it would be even funnier, but I also loved everytime they aired William Greer when Walsh would say "wherever Greer is, I'm sure he's still wearing that stupid hat", referring to Greer's infamous cowboy hat seen on AMW. Although I can't remember a specific one to mention, I also loved the one-liners mainly for the short profiles they would air. This is just an example but he would say things like "Police say Johnson is a fishing enthusiast. Well tonight, let's make HIM the bait." |
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Post by Scumhunter on Feb 4, 2014 17:54:44 GMT -5
Also stole this from an imdb comments section but I think it's pretty funny: "John holds up the "Stop Snitching" shirt, talks about it for a second as he walks towards the camera - as the camera pans back you see a garbage can - and John says "You knoiw what? This is GARBAGE." *throws t-shirt in garbage can* I had tears streaming down my face when I saw it air.. even my mom was laughing." I think I remember that and it was pretty funny! Anyway, feel free to add your own favorite Walsh moments if you wish! |
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Post by 912thamwuser on Feb 4, 2014 18:25:22 GMT -5
During the first few airings of deadly carjacker Glen Holmes Jr, John Walsh talked about how Holmes got let off on 50 Grand bail, but under the law, he only had to pay 10% of it, which worked out to 5 Grand. He ended the profile by saying, "A 50 thousand Dollar bond for blowing a man away! Nice work, judge."
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Post by pakman on Feb 4, 2014 23:12:43 GMT -5
I remember during the show's 800th capture celebration, they played a Ray Farkas documentary that showed what life behind the scenes at AMW was like. Among the clips were outtakes and bloopers from John Walsh's monologues, including one that I absolutely love to this very day.
John was filming a monologue that was going to air during the COPS credits on the March 13, 2004 episode. The intro was supposed to be, "Good evening! Tonight let's get ready to roll! We're taking some bad guys downtown!" Well during the clip Ray Farkas filmed, John starts the intro normally, but when he gets to the last part, he says, "We're taking some...we're taking some bad guys down town? What does that mean? What the hell does that mean? Like I'm going down town with some bad guys for a drink?" Cracks me up to this very day! What's even funnier is that they still used that clip in the episode!
John also had a ton of fun with Doug Aigen's case, especially when several excellent tips started coming in around 2004. Here's my favorite:
"Now here's one more clue that will help you find Aigen. This fat, old guy likes to pretend he's a kid by wearing a baseball cap. And he likes wearing it backwards!"
As Aigen's capture became closer, one of the clues the show revealed was that Aigen had apparently stopped showering. Once he was captured, John had this gem:
"Thanks to your tips, the books have finally been closed on this case of law and odor!"
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Post by Scumhunter on Feb 5, 2014 8:57:41 GMT -5
Hahaha that's awesome. I know some lines may have been written for him, but Walsh delivered them perfectly. |
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Post by pakman on Feb 27, 2014 12:05:17 GMT -5
John Walsh had some great one-liners when closing out COPS Credits fugitives, usually relating to their name or something having to do with their crime.
Here's a couple I remember:
Michael Gospel:
"Well, Gospel, here's a commandment for you; turn yourself in or we're taking you down tonight!"
James Sali, who had a tattoo of an arrow on his face:
"Sali, I believe that arrow's going to point us straight toward you!"
Larry Beasley, who had the word "Lord" tattooed on his hand:
"Beasley, you don't have a prayer because you're going down tonight!"
Karim Ward:
"Cops don't know what set Ward off, but they do know he's armed and dangerous. Well, Ward, we're armed with justice and that's dangerous to lowlifes like you!"
Armando Barragan, who had a tattoo of his mother's name, "Sylvia," on his chest.
"Barragan, maybe your mama can bail you out of jail!" (this cracked up my dad when we were watching the episode)
Raymond Tudor, a prison escapee who investigators believed may have shaved off his really long beard.
"Well, Tudor, hairy or not, we're coming after you tonight!"
And here's one I was reminded of while watching the 2004 episodes in preparation for the upcoming complete 2004 guide. This episode was filmed in Los Angeles, and John Walsh said this before the episode's fugitive recap.
"Now, our fugitives are ready for their closeups! So let's take a look at them one more time!"
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Post by Scumhunter on Feb 27, 2014 19:05:47 GMT -5
Man, I really wish I remembered these! It's funny both how much and how little I remember from a show I watched since 1996. To use a more recent example, I did love when John Walsh did the Paul Winklebleck case for the first time on Lifetime and he said "I have no idea how that dirtbag Winklebleck hasn't been caught yet." It was pretty funny since in addition to the well-deserved title, it was also mind-bogging he still wasn't caught. Of course, sometimes John Walsh had the more unintentionally funny one-liners, such as when he re-did the case again on Lifetime and referred to Ashley and Jessica's ordeal and recovery with "And to quote a Kelly Clarkson song, whatever didn't kill them, made them stronger." Perhaps it wasn't funny as much as one of the most bizarre JW quotes in AMW history. |
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Post by pakman on Feb 27, 2014 19:57:31 GMT -5
It helps that I have all those episodes recorded and have seen them multiple times Also, I remember rolling my eyes at that Kelly Clarkson quote. It was probably the corniest thing John Walsh ever said on the show! Then again that song was really overplayed on local radio stations and I grew to dislike it really quickly |
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Post by pakman on Jan 16, 2015 19:06:24 GMT -5
Not a John Walsh one-liner, but I was just watching the episode where Jody Thompson's capture report aired. Ed Miller did an exclusive interview with Thompson, and at one point Thompson tried justifying committing armed robberies by telling his victims the money was for his non-existent child who had cancer. This exchange is just classic: Ed Miller: "A lot of people thought that was below the belt." Jody Thompson: "Well most people go in pistol-whipping everyone..." Ed Miller: "No, most people don't go around committing armed robberies!" Makes me smile every time I see it |
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Post by Scumhunter on Jan 16, 2015 19:52:33 GMT -5
LOL! That's a great line. Yeah if we want to make this a general funny quote thread (obviously the show is serious in nature- but we can't deny there were some times humorous moments) we can LOL.
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Post by 912thamwuser on Jan 16, 2015 20:03:05 GMT -5
Or how about this one?
"Peter Braunstein, your 15 minutes of fame are over!" *Angrily shuts the TV monitor off*
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Post by Scumhunter on Jan 16, 2015 20:05:19 GMT -5
I can't believe I left that one out! That was awesome!
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Post by pakman on Feb 8, 2015 18:09:10 GMT -5
I can't believe nobody has mentioned these ones before! I'm going through my old episodes and stumbled across some great one-liners that came from the 2006 online sex predator sting in Suffolk County. This was the one that featured John Walsh confronting these people who thought they were meeting teens for sex. One guy had apparently gotten away with it once before, and boy did John have a field day with him. Among the classic one-liners: "This is a bad day for you!" "Let me tell you something, bro, you're in big, big trouble!" "I'm also going to tell you one more thing, bro. You got away with it once before, but you are (bleep)ed today! You are (bleep)ed!" (Even the guy in handcuffs was like, "whoa..." when John said that) I hated when John Walsh did these predator stings (mostly because one of the guys that showed up apparently had the mental capacity of a child and probably didn't fully comprehend what was happening) but those one-liners are great |
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Post by pakman on Feb 13, 2015 12:12:58 GMT -5
Here's a quote I just remembered from Eric Rosenstrom's reenactment. The retired Wise County Sheriff was talking about when he started doubting Rosenstrom, and gave this great quote: "Credibility is like virginity; once it's gone, it's gone!" Still makes me crack a smile when I hear that I've always wanted to use this quote in real life, but I've never had the opportunity to. |
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Post by Scumhunter on Feb 13, 2015 17:56:02 GMT -5
Haha, I don't even remember that but that's also awesome! He also gave a great quote about how bad Eric Rosenstrom was in their football game after claiming he used to play pro ball: "He wasn't no professional athlete. Stevie Wonder could see through that deal." Saying "even Stevie Wonder can see that" is a bit of an overused joke, but it was the way the Sheriff said it in his Southern drawl that cracked me up. Sometimes it's all about timing. |
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Obviously AMW was a serious show and I do stress that despite this thread, it doesn't take away how important it was. But over it's 25-season history, it's first and only host John Walsh was known for pulling no punches and letting his feelings about fugitives be known. Sometimes his one-liners were in my opinion, hilarious. I always felt Walsh could have had a future in stand-up comedy had he wanted to pursue it. 
